I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize