YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
