Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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