In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize