Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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