woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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