I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
