I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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