I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, he came in my armpit
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
