Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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