i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
