I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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