I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
