I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Never underestimate the power of titties
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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