What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
