Umm I'm too high to move.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
