Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
