where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
