I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
