As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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