I'm lost and stupid without you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
