I just saw a hot homeless man
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
