When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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