i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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