Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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