Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
