I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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