Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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