Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
