forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh god it's open bar.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
