If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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