Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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