all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
