please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
