I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girls should come with a carfax report
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.