apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.