yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.