"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions