Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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