I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
