My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize