this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
