She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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