so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
