Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
