TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
