I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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