I am spending my child support on dildos
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
