Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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