Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
