There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
