She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
