she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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