Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
