i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You're like the curious george of whores
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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