I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
