We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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