I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at about main and main street
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
