what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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