This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
