Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
