two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
