I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We got so high we made milksteak
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
