so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
