Your face is a jimmy john
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
