do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this boner is exhausting
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
