Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
