i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
