A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
