I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
